4.3 Dealing with Difficult People: A 10-Point Guide

Every practice contains them — the shouting client, the stonewalling opponent, the delayingofficial. The guide (adapted for the legal workplace):1. Stay calm — lower, don't match, the temperature (a raised voice met with a lowered one de-escalates; anger is information, not instruction);2. Listen fully before answering (difficult people escalate when unheard; take notes — it both records and slows the encounter);3. Acknowledge the emotion, then address the problem ("I can see how frustrating this delay has been. Let me show you exactly what has happened…");4. Don't take it personally — depersonalise the attack (answer the issue, not the insult; "You're incompetent" → "I understand you doubt the handling; here is the file record");5. Focus on interests and facts, not positions and blame (4.2's rule works on people too);6. Set boundaries politely and firmly (state what you can and cannot do, and what behaviour you will continue under; repeat calmly — the broken record);7. Be assertive, not aggressive or passive (assertiveness: your rights and theirs, both named; aggression wins moments and loses cases; passivity invites more difficulty);8. Use silence and questions (questions shift the burden of thought to them; silence after an unreasonable demand often answers it);9. Look for the face-saving exit (difficult people need dignity; build the bridge they can retreat across);10. Know when to end it or escalate it…